We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
