On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
