I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
