Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
