how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
