I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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