I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
