oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
