He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
