OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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