Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
