I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
