Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
