i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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