Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
