My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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