I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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