I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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