apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
