The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
