it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
