I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
