Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
