Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
