Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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