So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
