AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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