if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
