i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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