you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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