summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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