Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
handjob tips. give me some.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
