Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
