Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
