He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
