perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
