fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
