every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
