If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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