Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
