So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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