p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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