so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
