i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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