i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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