I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
