I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
