You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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