Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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