he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
