It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
